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| wow. how did it get to this. i look around me sometimes and dont recognize anything i see, and for a split second feel like im drowning. im not like all these people. these strangers. i was never brought up to beleive these things. after a minuet everything looks farmiliar agian and i can no longer relate to that thought anyumore, even though i had jhust been thinking it less than a minute ago. now i just feel sad. more than sad. deep down the bottom left hand corner of my stomach, a desperate panic threatens to grow bigger and claim my entire mood, but i know about this feeling already, and know that i cant let it get any worse, so i take a swig and try to settle my mind by playing the song come on eileen over and over in my head agian. it has worked. i feel safe and comfortable again. i make a silent note not to let myself drift that far away again. the snap back to reality can be to harsh sometimes.
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| the sum of all human wisdom can be sumed up in these two words: wait and hope. | | |
| i have not reflected on myself in the longest time.
and surprisingly, i have no desire to really look back and calculate the last few weeks. i'm in a swirly, silver craze, not unfamiliar to me at all.
i lie.
and i manipulate your eyes
and im not even trying to stop, i know i wont until i absolutly need to, and even thinknig about this and solidifying this feeling is making life more real and perminant.
best friends means forever
im not going anywhere
understnad.
im sorry.
im not.
im sorry.
just wait
sentances nad structure are beyond me at this time. openings and closings nad shout outs to the crowd. im not feelnig very clever. and i have to go to work. i cannnnnoooootttt be late again. i ahve 30 min. to use wisely. im cold. i think ill go to the mail box.
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| dearest friends, associates, and anonymous internet lurkers,
i have not composed an entry for the viewing pleasure of you all in quite a few eons. for this i will apologize, because it is nice to keep people updated and in contact with ones close friends, and i know that a few of you are reading this now. (kev? eri? coll? jess? sand? etc etc)
today i went to work, as i always so when the day is that of the week. i arrived at the day care center (clarkson childrens center, in case you are out of touch) at 7am and did what i do until one. then i drove the jeep (anyone who knows me probably already knows about the jeep, green and big and tough and smelling of incense and old fast food. mermaids on the back and full of summer stuff that ive decided to not clean out since summer is almost back from its trip around the other side) home and ate some pecan sandies.(yummy yum yum yummers) soon i will go into the jeep again and travel towards town and hopefully roll into the KnK on 104 before i roll to the side of the road somewhere before that. work again at 2 30, with my baby baby babies and then its
FRIDAY!@#$%a!@#$*&^%#!@#$&*&^%!^!&*#@%&^$
im keeping my chin up and my smile on today.
there is alot of stress weaved into my complex-simple life, but lets not dwell on things that cannot be fixed right in this very second, right? yes of course!
boring boring entry, but it'll have to do 4 now.
heres som,ething to spice it up a bit::
    
 
lovelovelove
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| ideas thoughts memories textures pictures feelings colors temperature altitude rolling up and over, crashing down.
fast thoughts are everything and they are equally nothing, driving a person almost literally out of their skull, there is no answer to any question and no ending to any jokes and no jelly jar fast enough to scoop them up and keep them straight. what are they? perhaps brilliant ideas and insightful realizations that would provide comfort, or better yet, INSPIRATION to things that seem so one dimensional. Time speeds by its own fucking pocket watch, intolerant and unaware of anything existing under its rule.
and now i'm off to work.
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